Hahahaha~ OMG, Lady! You got your heel got stuck on the sidewalk!

After a very long time, I allowed myself a little trip to the City.
The thought of going out kept me excited and hopelessly happy all through my office hours.
What made me have the butterflies in my stomach was this sense of having something to do that is completely different from what you've been doing for so long. Finally, you have something to dream about and anticipate for with your heart full of HOPE.

Even the traffic on the Key Bridge couldn't stop me from being a dreamer.
I was smiling all the way to DC.
After finding a perfect spot right next to the Pizzeria Paradiso which was the final destination of the day, I began my journey into the street. M street was full of people; the office workers, the tourists, the homelesses, the shoppers and all the other people just like me.

I was in my little black silk mini skirt, a black ruffle front shirt and my favorite high heels.
Enjoying the noise of cars and the smell of summer evening, I headed to a little shop on Wisconsin Ave. I was a completely happy person. I was jolly, full of hope and ready to have a wonderful evening. Then...it happened.

Ah! Just like that, my heel got stuck on the sidewalk.
At this moment, you can find yourself wearing only one shoe and standing one step ahead of the other shoe left stuck on the sidewalk. It could be a crack between the blocks, a mysteriously inappropriate hole on the street or one of those stupid grids that always makes you scared when walk on it. Yeah...girls will know what I am talking about.

Anyway, since I was sooooo happy and my spirit was up in the air, that little incident was nothing. And, Come on~! This is not my first time~?!
So I gently bent my knee and leaned toward my shoe and pulled it out.
Just like nothing happened, I kept walking. Of course, I was still smiling.

Exactly for 4 times, my heel got kept on getting stuck on the sidewalk on my way to the shop.
It was only a 3-minute-walking.
Without even knowing it, I was yelling at...(I am not sure but probably) my shoe. "Oh my G. what the ..... don't do this to me!!!!!"

People were watching me. Some guys stopped what they were doing and just stared at me as if they saw something really entertaining. And the girls...ah...the look on their faces.... haha...
"I pity you, sister!"

What should I do now? I can stand there for a while and keep on complaining why this nonsense is happening to me and get into a really bad mood for the last of the night. Or, I can just get my cool back and wear the stupid yet pretty shoe back and go on with my way to my hopeful and happy evening. Maybe I can even show some bright smile to those who were watching me. That will probably make them happy and make me a humorous young lady.

My life is just like this. One day, I have all these dreams and plans, so I feel excited and cannot wait to see the future version of me.
O.K., perfect! I got it all planed. Just one step at a time, I will keep go on. I know I'll get there~ Blah, Blah, Blah.....Blah...
Then, all the sudden, something stops you and everything seems to fall down.
Why, why, why...! you cry out, but is that really important? The only thing I can do at the moment is to keep go on with whatever is left to me.
Unless you want to completely stop, you have to go on. Right?
It's not always easy to remember this simple fact, I know. We are human beings. We tend to focus on present and hang on to the past.
But seriously, what is it good for anyway?
Just like one of those your 'stupid-heel-accident days', keep on walking, girl~!
It's not your shoes or those who watched and laughed at you that will take you to the destination. After all, it's just yourself.
So, do not stop moving and go on. Forward and forward.

I finished my shopping and even had a wonderful Sangria over a nice warm Pizza Margarita.
On my way home, my hair was blowing in the wind and 'Jovanotti' was singing 'Come Musica' to my years.
Haha. Yap! He was indeed.
Well...Too bad I cannot understand what you are saying sweetheart...but you know I am trying~


P.s. I will probably yell and cry like crazy when the heel of my life gets stuck somewhere again.
I wish I will just finish all those yelling, bursting into tears and going nuts processes ASAP and start to walk like a beautiful and confident lady again.

My old ice cream story

July 3, 2003

After a long time, I made a little trip to Baskin Robbins.

Wow~! New flavors~!!!!!!

Among those new and unfamiliar names, there was one that interests me the most.
Did someone notice my craving for Chocolate? I saw red little things inside a chocolate ice cream which is dark as night. HEARTBREAK HEALER. This chocolate ice cream with chocolate chunks and red hearts, was inspired by Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman couple. (What do they want to say? A bitter sweet relationship??? Ha...)

OK. Here goes my first bite.

OMG~~~!!!!! Bitter, bitter and bitter......... Have you ever tried 99% cacao chocolate before? If you haven't imagine you are licking your antibiotic pill. Yap...it was extreme.

It was so dark, it almost numbed my tongue.
Come on~~~!!!! Heartbreak Healer~ Weren't you supposed to heal my heart? Hello~????

OK. Just try again.

Hmmm......What is this in my mouth? Something minty and sweet is consoling my rather unpleasant memory. A-ha~! The red hearts!!!!
It was little chocolates taste as sweet as heaven and as soft as a baby's smile.
Aren't you a real heartbreak healer now~??!!!

HEARTBREAK HEALER - Treating a wounded heart.
Whether it is from a romantic relationship, a friendship, money or fame, the pain we feel all hurts deep. A broken heart searches for something in an effort to erase the scar with their never-will-be-heard voice loud in the air crying out 'Save Me.'

The first bitter bite of this ice cream tells those who are looking for a breakthrough that there is nothing like a miraculous, unconditioned and magical cure for their pain.
So, don't try to hide or run away. You have to face it and get through with it.
Instead of a warm comfort we all look for, it pokes us in the cut in the heart once again and makes us remember and realize how much it hurts.
No matter how much we try to stay safe, our heart can be broken any time and even the old wound can be open and bleed again against our will.

The second bite is a little happy pill for all the people who got so frightened and scared of the bitterness and became to exaggerate all their pain. It says to us, 'Come on, it's not all bad. Take a deep breath and relax...'

These sweet red hearts give a little push on our shoulder toward the positivity when we are caught in the middle of fear, confusion, sadness, anger, sorrow, conflicts and little of hope.

However, it all depends on us how far we will move forward with this as a momentum.


Haha......such a long story over an ice cream. Silly...

Hmmm...Who cares? right? ;-))

How much do you love the city?

I love my city. Wherever that is, I just love the city I have my life in.

Seoul...I spent all my life in this city until I came to the U.S.

Even until now, I swear that I can see and feel everything in that city when I close my eyes. Every street I walked, the noise of the cars, the smell of the air and all the little places where I spent time with my good friends.

My Favorite part was walking down the street with a fresh brewed coffee on my hand when the city was just preparing to wake up for a new day beginning.

You can only see the glipse of the sun through the blue grey sky and street is so quiet you feel that somebody might hear what you are thinking in your mind.

It's just one of the most pure beauties you can ever experience.

Washington D.C... now I live here. I've been here for about almost 5 years now.

If I be more accurate, I live in Fairfax which is a city about 25 minutes away from DC. However, I spent most of my time in DC when I first got here.

Every morning 8:30, I was on M street. Drop by the small coffee shop owned by a very kind lady with a smile every morning and I got my coffee and biscotti.

I was pretty much lonely at that time, so her friendly smile and little words meant so much. I wonder if she will remember me still...

As time goes by, I made friends with everyone. The clerks at the shops, some homeless guys I see everyday, some people I chat very often without knowing name. Juslike that, I fell in love with the city.

I don't know if I love Seoul or DC more now.

Right this moment, I close my eyes and I feel the blocks on the street under my feet. I feel that I can just keep walking into the night along the street.

It could be Seoul... or it could be DC.

Would you like to join me?

Things that change

This Friday, I decided to go on a hiking after a long time. Thankfully, the great falls park locates only 30 minutes away from where I live. Friday morning allowed me to enjoy the benefit of light traffic and got me to my destination with a relaxed and joyful heart.

Green, green and more green. I could not find even a small trace of winter anywhere in the park.

The winter has gone. All the snow covered trees and the icy breeze I claim that I still remember and even feel when I close my eyes have just disappeared like they were never there.

As time goes by, things change. The color of the trees, smell of the air, people's outfit and many other things... Just like from extra hot cafe latte to frozen frappuccino in my hand.

We all look forward to those little or big changes all through our lives. Probably, that's what keeps us to keep go on and live. Waiting for different things to happen and feel alive watching and live through them.

However, sometimes, I feel that I don't want any more change in my life.

Sometimes I wish I have this little perfect schedule that I can follow everyday so I don't need to worry about what I am going to or should do tomorrow.

Everything is so predictable that I can just relax and have no doubt in my mind.

No ups and downs in my life?? This may make me look like a control freak.

I also cannot deny that loosing control is one of my biggest fears.

But I am in a process of learning to admit the change and just deal with it. No matter how much I want the situation to stay just the way it is, things always change. Facing the change is not the easiest or the happiest thing to do and makes us scared to death sometimes. However, this is life. Just step by step, we deal with the change and keep go on. All we have to do is to realize that we all do have the power and the strength to keep walking through the woods of our life. A change never is the end.

El Nido : Nice to meet you.

Sometimes, the morning starts with an unexpected guest.

My morning brought me a very special present along with the fresh smell of cold air and the heavenly touch of the sunshine.

After all those days of pouring rain and strong wind, there it was. So small yet so impressive.

When nobody expected, it came to my house as if one unknown voice trying to tell me "I am listening to you all the time. Be patient my child. You will be happy".

Just like that, my morning started and I got my heart warmed after a very long long winter.

CHOCOLAT - about letting ourselves live a life in full.

In this little French village, everything looks just calm and perfect. It's so calm, it even feels like everything in the world lost its color and became a still picture on the wall.

They prohibit every little thing that can bring personal pleasure, so they can live their peaceful yet well controlled life. However, it seemed like they were punishing themselves by not letting themselves have sense of joy or indulgence.

We punish ourselves many times in our life with or without intention. Why do we do that? For what? Do we punish ourselves for all the mistakes and failures that we caused in the life? Sometimes even become so afraid of future mistakes and all the blames that follow, we just keep ourselves in a small box, blocking the world from getting into us. Actually, it is not blocking the world. We block ourselves in the box and never let us out, so we do not make the same old mistakes again and again.

The problem is, where the life goes? What do we feel inside?

How long should we punish ourselves to feel satisfied and relieved? In this way, we can never feel forgiven or set free. Only when we stand up on our feet and live again, we gain the true control over our life and feel free. The cold yet fresh air will fill up our lung and let us breathe again.

A girl, once over-weight and very sad, is so afraid of getting weight again and never lets herself truly appreciate the deliciousness of foods. The joy of sharing good meals with friends. The rich aroma comes from the kitchen of her favorite restaurant. All the things she gave up for her little perfect body are now killing her inside. Making her empty and dry, just like the 5-calorie whole grain cracker she got from the cheap diet program.

One day, she tastes one bite of her favorite dark-mint chocolate and she cries. The sweetness on the tip of her tongue makes her speechless. The caffeine makes her heart pump so hard, she feels like it's going to explode. She feels the joy of life, but soon the anxiety kicks back and makes her more nervous than ever. This one small bite leads to so many WHAT IFs.

What is I loose control again...what if I get fat again...what if I became another failure and let everyone down...what if...what if...

What if no one loves me anymore......

Now she can either spit out that small piece of joy and go back to her small cage waiting for someone to save her (which will never happen), or she can just easily swallow the chocolate, enjoy the moment and go outside and run until her heart gets warm again. The moment she opens the door and step outside the house, her life begins again and everything goes back to normal.

Not perfect but normal. All the stupid mistakes, failures, blames and forgiveness. The life full of passion, anxiousness and happy pains.