Hahahaha~ OMG, Lady! You got your heel got stuck on the sidewalk!

After a very long time, I allowed myself a little trip to the City.
The thought of going out kept me excited and hopelessly happy all through my office hours.
What made me have the butterflies in my stomach was this sense of having something to do that is completely different from what you've been doing for so long. Finally, you have something to dream about and anticipate for with your heart full of HOPE.

Even the traffic on the Key Bridge couldn't stop me from being a dreamer.
I was smiling all the way to DC.
After finding a perfect spot right next to the Pizzeria Paradiso which was the final destination of the day, I began my journey into the street. M street was full of people; the office workers, the tourists, the homelesses, the shoppers and all the other people just like me.

I was in my little black silk mini skirt, a black ruffle front shirt and my favorite high heels.
Enjoying the noise of cars and the smell of summer evening, I headed to a little shop on Wisconsin Ave. I was a completely happy person. I was jolly, full of hope and ready to have a wonderful evening. Then...it happened.

Ah! Just like that, my heel got stuck on the sidewalk.
At this moment, you can find yourself wearing only one shoe and standing one step ahead of the other shoe left stuck on the sidewalk. It could be a crack between the blocks, a mysteriously inappropriate hole on the street or one of those stupid grids that always makes you scared when walk on it. Yeah...girls will know what I am talking about.

Anyway, since I was sooooo happy and my spirit was up in the air, that little incident was nothing. And, Come on~! This is not my first time~?!
So I gently bent my knee and leaned toward my shoe and pulled it out.
Just like nothing happened, I kept walking. Of course, I was still smiling.

Exactly for 4 times, my heel got kept on getting stuck on the sidewalk on my way to the shop.
It was only a 3-minute-walking.
Without even knowing it, I was yelling at...(I am not sure but probably) my shoe. "Oh my G. what the ..... don't do this to me!!!!!"

People were watching me. Some guys stopped what they were doing and just stared at me as if they saw something really entertaining. And the girls...ah...the look on their faces.... haha...
"I pity you, sister!"

What should I do now? I can stand there for a while and keep on complaining why this nonsense is happening to me and get into a really bad mood for the last of the night. Or, I can just get my cool back and wear the stupid yet pretty shoe back and go on with my way to my hopeful and happy evening. Maybe I can even show some bright smile to those who were watching me. That will probably make them happy and make me a humorous young lady.

My life is just like this. One day, I have all these dreams and plans, so I feel excited and cannot wait to see the future version of me.
O.K., perfect! I got it all planed. Just one step at a time, I will keep go on. I know I'll get there~ Blah, Blah, Blah.....Blah...
Then, all the sudden, something stops you and everything seems to fall down.
Why, why, why...! you cry out, but is that really important? The only thing I can do at the moment is to keep go on with whatever is left to me.
Unless you want to completely stop, you have to go on. Right?
It's not always easy to remember this simple fact, I know. We are human beings. We tend to focus on present and hang on to the past.
But seriously, what is it good for anyway?
Just like one of those your 'stupid-heel-accident days', keep on walking, girl~!
It's not your shoes or those who watched and laughed at you that will take you to the destination. After all, it's just yourself.
So, do not stop moving and go on. Forward and forward.

I finished my shopping and even had a wonderful Sangria over a nice warm Pizza Margarita.
On my way home, my hair was blowing in the wind and 'Jovanotti' was singing 'Come Musica' to my years.
Haha. Yap! He was indeed.
Well...Too bad I cannot understand what you are saying sweetheart...but you know I am trying~


P.s. I will probably yell and cry like crazy when the heel of my life gets stuck somewhere again.
I wish I will just finish all those yelling, bursting into tears and going nuts processes ASAP and start to walk like a beautiful and confident lady again.

Protests in S Korea over US beef

You can check the related video below.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/south_asia/7429726.stm




This is really serious. It's the life of every single person who breaths and lives in Korea what they are talking about now. It is not just the rage against the government or some politicians but it's the fight for their life and the life of all their beloved ones. I don't even know how to show all the horrifying details of this huge event to all. This is a truly and deeply sad moment for the whole country. After all these years of claiming being free from the politics and governmental control, the journal isms still chose to ally with them and joined the power game. It left to the people's own hands how to get through the time of crisis and save the country. So they united and are getting hurt and violated trying to make their voices heard. I cannot ignore or pretend as if I don't see what's going on in Korea now, since no matter where I am or who I became, I am still a Korean just like my father, my mother and my friends.
Why do the politics always need to victimize the innocent people over its power game?
It's a shame and the irony of the world.

FYI, the protest is all over the country and the government and police power sources are arresting almost everyone they catch in the scene. The scene becomes a chaos due to the violence of the government and the police forces.

least 29 protesters have been arrested in South Korea after a rally against a US beef import deal ended in clashes. (BBC news)

The scuffles broke out when police moved to break up the 3,000-strong demonstration in the capital, Seoul.

The protesters say that the recent relaxation of a ban on US beef imports fails to protect the country from BSE, or mad cow disease.

Support for President Lee Myung-bak has plummeted amid mounting public concern.

Last week, Mr Lee issued a public apology, saying he had failed to appreciate the depth of public fear.

But he criticised "unfounded rumours" over mad cow disease and ruled out going back on the deal.

'Expressing our anger'

South Korea used to be a major market for US beef, but banned most imports in 2003 after an outbreak of mad cow disease there.

South Korea suspended most US beef imports after concerns about BSE

Last month Mr Lee's government agreed to relax most of the restrictions - after US lawmakers made it clear they would not back a bilateral free trade deal without concessions on beef.

The move triggered public anger. Vigils and rallies have taken place on an almost daily basis since the agreement was announced.

Dozens of people were arrested over the weekend and on Monday night protesters fought police as they tried to break up a rally. Two people were taken to hospital, Yonhap news agency said.

"We've been holding candlelight vigils, but Lee Myung-bak's government keeps its stance against the people's demand," one protester said. "We're expressing our anger."

Last week, South Korean officials met US negotiators to clarify their right to suspend imports again if another outbreak of mad cow disease occurs.

And on Tuesday, Prime Minister Han Seung-soo said the government had done its best to reassure the public.

"Nevertheless, protesting rallies keep going on. They must not degenerate into political rallies that employ illegal activities," Yonhap quoted him as saying.

Photographic Exhibition in Washington DC

Metropolis

Photographic exhibit by Renato D'Agostin

On the occasion of the 2008 Europe Week, the Italian Cultural Institute in Washington, DC presents "Metropolis", a photographic exhibition by Renato D'Agostin.

The exhibition will be open May 1 through June 15, 2008
Mon-Fri 10 am - 12 pm and 2 - 4 pm

Cocktail Reception with the photographer May 5, 6:30 - 8:30 pm

Photo I.D. required

Information

Date: Thursday, May 01, 2008 - Sunday, June 15, 2008

Time: From 10:00 am to 12:00 pm; from 2:00 pm to 4:00 pm

Venue: Italian Cultural Institute, 3000 Whitehaven Street NW, Washington, DC

Organized by: Italian Cultural Institute in Washington, DC

In collaboration with: N.A.

RSVP required: iicwashington@esteri.it or (202) 518-0998 ext. 1 - ID required

Canne film festival 2008 - (1)

The official selection for the 61st edition of the Cannes Film Festival (May 14-25) was unveiled on Wednesday April 23. Total of 22 films will be competing for the most prestigious award given out at Cannes; the Palme d'Or ("Golden Palm") for the best film.

The 61st edition of the super-charged 12-day movie marathon has a strong South American flavor, with two Argentinean and two Brazilian films in the main competition lineup. Also it seems to have many films talk about political and social issues.

The opening will be the apocalyptic 'Blindness'. Will Lawrence talks to its director, Fernando Meirelles. It is a scene of total mayhem in the centre of São Paulo, Brazil's largest city. Fires burn in abandoned oil drums, while crowds of ragged refugees - some clinging onto their few possessions, others aimless - zigzag across the litter-strewn streets, which are ringed by military barricades and barbed wire. Packs of dogs prowl through the garbage, sniffing at the debris before descending on a prone human figure, presumably a corpse, and feasting.

Fernando Meirelles, 52, director of the Oscar-nominated crime drama City of God and the Oscar-winning thriller The Constant Gardener. He is a native of São Paulo and is using parts of the city for his latest film, Blindness, an adaptation of the novel by the Nobel Prize-winning José Saramago. The film stars Julianne Moore and Mark Ruffalo.

"There are so many ways to understand this story," begins Meirelles as the scene comes to an end and the poor soul playing the corpse is fitted with extra packs of treats to attract the dogs. "First there's the idea of the fragility of civilisation. Just look at this." His arm sweeps out, signalling the chaos that he has unleashed on the streets of his city. "We think civilisation is so solid, but take just one thing away and it all collapses."

The one thing Meirelles and Saramago have taken from humankind - as the title Blindness may suggest - is the ability to see. Saramago's 1995 novel is a harrowing allegory set in an unnamed city where people are gradually, and without apparent reason, robbed of their sight.

The book focuses on a group of the afflicted who are drawn together and, with the government baffled by the problem, sent away to an asylum and placed under heavy guard. More and more inmates arrive until it becomes apparent that the epidemic has swept the world. The whole planet has gone blind, with one exception: one of the primary characters is a doctor (Ruffalo) and his wife (Moore) has retained her sight, guiding the unnamed characters during their confinement and leading their escape into the chaos of the world outside, where gangs of sightless children attack sightless old men, and dogs savage the bodies of the dead and dying.

"It's such a powerful story," says Meirelles, "and actually we have to make the film a little lighter than the book; there is some humour in there, but it's very dark, especially when they are all locked in the asylum. We talk about the same things in the film, the same story, but to shoot it exactly as it was written would be too unbearable to watch. In literature it is easier to go really deep, but if you see it, in can be too much."

Saramago's book is both contemporary and timeless, tackling the human condition head on. "There's also a bit of feminism in the story, because it is the women that do everything," laughs Meirelles. "The men are almost useless. It is the women with their love and their caring nature who make everything better. And some people also see the political aspects of the story and that the only way to build a society is to give up your personal values and work together for the community.

"With everyone blinded and drawn to the same level, they must kill the ego and work together. That's what happens in the asylum. It become a nightmare because each person is only trying to get food for themselves and to survive, but we have this group of people that is working together, like a family, and they are the only ones who can get out and get a better life. It's an allegory."

Addiction - Adrenaline, Stress and You - R U Workaholic?

Below has excerpted from
http://www.doctorshealthsupply.com/homeopath/adrenaline_and_stress.htm

The Hidden Link Between Adrenaline and Stress

what we have not heard clearly enough is that the essence of stress damage lies not so much in the problems of life, but in our attitude toward time and the excitement and pleasure we derive from interesting challenges and demanding schedules. The stress response is a natural form of arousal. In moderation, it is healthy--even necessary. But continuous over arousal leads to stress disease--and it doesn't matter whether this is the consequence of overwork, unhappiness, or plain, old-fashioned excitement.
Such long-term over arousal and excessive flow of those hormones associated with stress will eventually lead to physiological and psychological distress, and the leader among these hormones is adrenaline. Recent research has made it very clear that hyper arousal of the adrenal system is the essential causative factor in coronary and artery disease, the most serious form of stress damage . . .

HOW STRESS DOES ITS DAMAGE

How does the heart know what to do? It has no direct connection to the nervous system to receive signals from the brain. . . . Rather, it is designed to respond to signals from the complex chemical messengers that circulate in the blood--including the adrenaline hormones. Unfortunately, it is this sensitivity to chemical messengers, the genius of the heart's operations, that carries with it risks as well as advantages. Over a period of time, when out of balance, these same messengers can literally destroy the heart. . . .
Besides the mobilizing of our body for flight, the chronic increased flow of adrenaline produces a number of other less helpful and more serious consequences.

These include:
An increase in the production of blood cholesterol
A narrowing of the capillaries and other blood vessels that can shut down the blood supply to the heart muscle.
A decrease in the body's ability to remove cholesterol
An increase in the blood's tendency to clot
An increase in the depositing of plaque on the walls of the arteries
In short bursts, elevated adrenaline is not damaging or dangerous. In fact, that is what it is designed to do. But when sustained at high levels over a period of time, it can be very harmful. Adrenaline arousal can be compared to revving up a car engine, then leaving it to idle at high speed. . . .The most serious effect of elevated adrenaline, when persistent and unrelenting, is its damage to the heart and arteries.

A HURRY SICKNESS
THE TYPE-A PERSONALITY

The idea that there is a particular type of personality that is more prone to experience distress is not widely accepted although, of course, it must be recognized that not everybody can be put into a simple two-box category. In fact, most people are really a mixture of many characteristics. But for our purposes, it can be helpful to think of ourselves as fitting into one category or the other. No doubt you have heard many references to these personality categories--'Type A' and 'Type B' . . .

TYPE-A BEHAVIOR PATTERN TEST:

Read each question carefully and give yourself a score according to the following descriptions:

Score Description
0 This statement does not apply to me
1 It sometimes applies to me (less than once a month)
2 It often applies to me (more than once a month)

Statement
1. I feel like there isn't enough time in each day to do all the things I need to do. _____
2. I tend to speak faster than other people, even finishing their sentences for them. _____
3. My spouse or friends say, or I believe, that I eat too quickly. _____
4. I would rather win than lose a game. _____
5. I am very competitive in work, sports, or games. _____
6. I tend to be bossy and dominate others. _____
7. I prefer to lead rather than follow. _____
8. I feel pressed for time even when I am not doing something important. _____
9. I become impatient when I have to wait for something or when interrupted. _____
10. I tend to make decisions quickly, even impulsively. _____
11. I take on more than I can accomplish. _____
12. I become irritable more often than most other people. _____

Now total your score: _____

ANALYZING YOUR SCORE

* If your total score is less than 5, you are definitely not a Type-A person. You may occasionally slip into Type-A behavior, but not often enough for it to be a problem.

* From 6 to 10, you are beginning to show occasional signs of Type-A behavior. You may have a temporary irritation in your life or some aspect of your work is getting to you. You are approaching the Type A behavior pattern as you get nearer the upper end of this score. You may be a mixture of Type A and Type B.

* From 11 to 16, you are definitely a Type-A person. At the higher end of this score, you are becoming prone to excessive adrenaline recruitment and are likely to be evidencing signs of distress.

* Above 17, not only are you a Type-A person but you are living dangerously. Life may be miserable for you but it can also be very exciting. Either way, you are prone to develop cardiovascular deterioration if you do not change your behavior pattern. If you smoke or have any of the other high risk factors (diabetes, high blood pressure, or family history of heart disease), I advise you to seek professional help.

THE PENALTY FOR TYPE-A TENDENCIES

There are some good things about being a Type-A person. People with this personality type accomplish a lot. They get things done. And often their sense of hurry comes from caring deeply about and feeling responsible for the world around them.
But there is a physical penalty to be paid for being a predominantly Type-A person. Type-A people recruit very much more adrenaline than Type B. And research has shown that Type-A men have three times the incidence of heart disease as Type-B men. This is rapidly becoming true of women, also, as they move into more competitive lifestyles...
What is important to remember is that the stress hormones, including adrenaline, are always found in excessive amounts in these individuals. Type-A behavior patterns and higher levels of adrenaline are lifelong partners . . .

HURRY SICKNESS IS A TWENTIETH-CENTURY DISEASE

A large part of the damage we experience in our lives is caused by 'hurry sickness.' It comes from our urge to live and do everything in haste. As a consequence, we live at a pace too fast for our bodies. This hurried lifestyle creates a persistent internal state of emergency that keeps our stress hormones elevated . . .
Type-A persons constantly struggle against time. They hate to 'waste time' eating, having a haircut, or sitting in the park. They hate waiting in line and are always active, restless, moving, doing things. And Type-A people pay for their sense of time urgency in increased circulation of adrenaline and consequent stress damage.
There's another aspect to hurry sickness that transcends basic tendencies and personality types. Hurriedness has become a distinguishing characteristic of the age we live in. Life has quite literally 'speeded up' . . . Type A's and B's alike are coming under the influence of a technologically accelerating world. They are constantly being bombarded by demands to do more and more . . . faster and faster. Expanding opportunities and enhanced communication also mean constant stimulation and demand . . .

ARE YOU AN ADRENALINE ADDICT?

It is actually possible for us to become addicted to our own adrenaline! We can get hooked on the pleasurable 'high' that comes from the working of the body's own defense system! Both psychological dependence on the excitement of adrenaline arousal, as well as physical addiction to the hormone, can be involved. And this addiction can powerfully control our actions and emotions.

Workaholism is Adrenaline Addiction!!!

2006 My summer in Korea

These are Korean Rice Cakes. It's called 'Ddeok.' These Korean sweet cake made with glutinous rice flour (also known as sweet rice or Chapssal), by steaming. Normal rice flour can be used for some kinds of Ddeok. There are hundreds of different kinds of Ddeok eaten year round. In Korea it is customary to eat Ddeok guk (Ddeok soup) on New Year's Day and sweet Ddeok at weddings and on birthdays. It is often considered a celebratory food and can range from rather elaborate versions with nuts and fruits down to the plain-flavored Ddeok used in home cooking.

There is a small area called 'Insa-Dong', where you can find the very traditional part of Korea. It's not just a place for old and traditional things, but it's more like mix of modern and tradition. There are lots of art galleries and exhibitions and also cafes and restaurants. The most unique character of this area is that all the signs must be in Korean. You cannot use other language on your shop sign or whatever. It was the effort to preserve and respect the Korean culture in the time of invasive western culture flood. Despite its huge resistance in the beginning, even the Starbucks sign is in Korean.

This was a Korean restaurant located about 1 hour away from Seoul. The restaurant used a old and traditional Korean house as its venue. In here, you can enjoy all the delicious and healthy Korean food and also take a time to stroll along the stone blocks and feel the serenity of beautiful nature.

Kumar's poem - Greeky or hoplessly romantic?

The Square Root of 3 by Dave Feinberg


I’m sure that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed

My old ice cream story

July 3, 2003

After a long time, I made a little trip to Baskin Robbins.

Wow~! New flavors~!!!!!!

Among those new and unfamiliar names, there was one that interests me the most.
Did someone notice my craving for Chocolate? I saw red little things inside a chocolate ice cream which is dark as night. HEARTBREAK HEALER. This chocolate ice cream with chocolate chunks and red hearts, was inspired by Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman couple. (What do they want to say? A bitter sweet relationship??? Ha...)

OK. Here goes my first bite.

OMG~~~!!!!! Bitter, bitter and bitter......... Have you ever tried 99% cacao chocolate before? If you haven't imagine you are licking your antibiotic pill. Yap...it was extreme.

It was so dark, it almost numbed my tongue.
Come on~~~!!!! Heartbreak Healer~ Weren't you supposed to heal my heart? Hello~????

OK. Just try again.

Hmmm......What is this in my mouth? Something minty and sweet is consoling my rather unpleasant memory. A-ha~! The red hearts!!!!
It was little chocolates taste as sweet as heaven and as soft as a baby's smile.
Aren't you a real heartbreak healer now~??!!!

HEARTBREAK HEALER - Treating a wounded heart.
Whether it is from a romantic relationship, a friendship, money or fame, the pain we feel all hurts deep. A broken heart searches for something in an effort to erase the scar with their never-will-be-heard voice loud in the air crying out 'Save Me.'

The first bitter bite of this ice cream tells those who are looking for a breakthrough that there is nothing like a miraculous, unconditioned and magical cure for their pain.
So, don't try to hide or run away. You have to face it and get through with it.
Instead of a warm comfort we all look for, it pokes us in the cut in the heart once again and makes us remember and realize how much it hurts.
No matter how much we try to stay safe, our heart can be broken any time and even the old wound can be open and bleed again against our will.

The second bite is a little happy pill for all the people who got so frightened and scared of the bitterness and became to exaggerate all their pain. It says to us, 'Come on, it's not all bad. Take a deep breath and relax...'

These sweet red hearts give a little push on our shoulder toward the positivity when we are caught in the middle of fear, confusion, sadness, anger, sorrow, conflicts and little of hope.

However, it all depends on us how far we will move forward with this as a momentum.


Haha......such a long story over an ice cream. Silly...

Hmmm...Who cares? right? ;-))

A night in my town...the city that never sleeps...

I can almost see my house...ha.

In Italy
by Derek Walcott

April 21, 2008

I
Roads shouldered by enclosing walls with narrow
cobbled tracks for streets, those hill towns with their
stamp-sized squares and a sea pinned by the arrow
of a quivering horizon, with names that never wither
for centuries and shadows that are the dial of time. Light
older than wine and a cloud like a tablecloth
spread for lunch under the leaves. I have come this late
to Italy, but better now, perhaps, than in youth
that is never satisfied, whose joys are treacherous,
while my hair rhymes with those far crests, and the bells
of the hilltop towers number my errors,
because we are never where we are, but somewhere else,
even in Italy. This is the bearable truth
of old age; but count your benedictions—those fields
of sunflowers, the torn light on the hills, the haze
of the unheard Adriatic—while the day still hopes
for possibility, cloud shadows racing the slopes.

II
The blue windows, the lemon-colored counterpane,
the knowing that the sea is behind the avenue
with balconies and bicycles, that the gelid traffic
mixes its fumes with coffee—transient interiors,
transient bedsheets, and the transient view
of sea-salted hotels with spiky palms,
in spite of which summer is serious,
since there is inevitably a farewell to arms,
to the storm-haired beauty who will disappear.
The shifted absence of your axis, love
wobbles on your body’s pivot, to the carriage’s
shudder as it glides past the roofs and beaches
of the Ligurian coast. Things lose their balance
and totter from the small blows of memory.
You wait for revelations, for leaping dolphins,
for nightingales to loosen their knotted throats,
for the bell in the tower to absolve your sins
like the furled sails of the homecoming boats.

from : http://www.newyorker.com/fiction/poetry/2008/04/21/080421po_poem_walcott

How much do you love the city?

I love my city. Wherever that is, I just love the city I have my life in.

Seoul...I spent all my life in this city until I came to the U.S.

Even until now, I swear that I can see and feel everything in that city when I close my eyes. Every street I walked, the noise of the cars, the smell of the air and all the little places where I spent time with my good friends.

My Favorite part was walking down the street with a fresh brewed coffee on my hand when the city was just preparing to wake up for a new day beginning.

You can only see the glipse of the sun through the blue grey sky and street is so quiet you feel that somebody might hear what you are thinking in your mind.

It's just one of the most pure beauties you can ever experience.

Washington D.C... now I live here. I've been here for about almost 5 years now.

If I be more accurate, I live in Fairfax which is a city about 25 minutes away from DC. However, I spent most of my time in DC when I first got here.

Every morning 8:30, I was on M street. Drop by the small coffee shop owned by a very kind lady with a smile every morning and I got my coffee and biscotti.

I was pretty much lonely at that time, so her friendly smile and little words meant so much. I wonder if she will remember me still...

As time goes by, I made friends with everyone. The clerks at the shops, some homeless guys I see everyday, some people I chat very often without knowing name. Juslike that, I fell in love with the city.

I don't know if I love Seoul or DC more now.

Right this moment, I close my eyes and I feel the blocks on the street under my feet. I feel that I can just keep walking into the night along the street.

It could be Seoul... or it could be DC.

Would you like to join me?

Things that change

This Friday, I decided to go on a hiking after a long time. Thankfully, the great falls park locates only 30 minutes away from where I live. Friday morning allowed me to enjoy the benefit of light traffic and got me to my destination with a relaxed and joyful heart.

Green, green and more green. I could not find even a small trace of winter anywhere in the park.

The winter has gone. All the snow covered trees and the icy breeze I claim that I still remember and even feel when I close my eyes have just disappeared like they were never there.

As time goes by, things change. The color of the trees, smell of the air, people's outfit and many other things... Just like from extra hot cafe latte to frozen frappuccino in my hand.

We all look forward to those little or big changes all through our lives. Probably, that's what keeps us to keep go on and live. Waiting for different things to happen and feel alive watching and live through them.

However, sometimes, I feel that I don't want any more change in my life.

Sometimes I wish I have this little perfect schedule that I can follow everyday so I don't need to worry about what I am going to or should do tomorrow.

Everything is so predictable that I can just relax and have no doubt in my mind.

No ups and downs in my life?? This may make me look like a control freak.

I also cannot deny that loosing control is one of my biggest fears.

But I am in a process of learning to admit the change and just deal with it. No matter how much I want the situation to stay just the way it is, things always change. Facing the change is not the easiest or the happiest thing to do and makes us scared to death sometimes. However, this is life. Just step by step, we deal with the change and keep go on. All we have to do is to realize that we all do have the power and the strength to keep walking through the woods of our life. A change never is the end.

El Nido : Nice to meet you.

Sometimes, the morning starts with an unexpected guest.

My morning brought me a very special present along with the fresh smell of cold air and the heavenly touch of the sunshine.

After all those days of pouring rain and strong wind, there it was. So small yet so impressive.

When nobody expected, it came to my house as if one unknown voice trying to tell me "I am listening to you all the time. Be patient my child. You will be happy".

Just like that, my morning started and I got my heart warmed after a very long long winter.

CHOCOLAT - about letting ourselves live a life in full.

In this little French village, everything looks just calm and perfect. It's so calm, it even feels like everything in the world lost its color and became a still picture on the wall.

They prohibit every little thing that can bring personal pleasure, so they can live their peaceful yet well controlled life. However, it seemed like they were punishing themselves by not letting themselves have sense of joy or indulgence.

We punish ourselves many times in our life with or without intention. Why do we do that? For what? Do we punish ourselves for all the mistakes and failures that we caused in the life? Sometimes even become so afraid of future mistakes and all the blames that follow, we just keep ourselves in a small box, blocking the world from getting into us. Actually, it is not blocking the world. We block ourselves in the box and never let us out, so we do not make the same old mistakes again and again.

The problem is, where the life goes? What do we feel inside?

How long should we punish ourselves to feel satisfied and relieved? In this way, we can never feel forgiven or set free. Only when we stand up on our feet and live again, we gain the true control over our life and feel free. The cold yet fresh air will fill up our lung and let us breathe again.

A girl, once over-weight and very sad, is so afraid of getting weight again and never lets herself truly appreciate the deliciousness of foods. The joy of sharing good meals with friends. The rich aroma comes from the kitchen of her favorite restaurant. All the things she gave up for her little perfect body are now killing her inside. Making her empty and dry, just like the 5-calorie whole grain cracker she got from the cheap diet program.

One day, she tastes one bite of her favorite dark-mint chocolate and she cries. The sweetness on the tip of her tongue makes her speechless. The caffeine makes her heart pump so hard, she feels like it's going to explode. She feels the joy of life, but soon the anxiety kicks back and makes her more nervous than ever. This one small bite leads to so many WHAT IFs.

What is I loose control again...what if I get fat again...what if I became another failure and let everyone down...what if...what if...

What if no one loves me anymore......

Now she can either spit out that small piece of joy and go back to her small cage waiting for someone to save her (which will never happen), or she can just easily swallow the chocolate, enjoy the moment and go outside and run until her heart gets warm again. The moment she opens the door and step outside the house, her life begins again and everything goes back to normal.

Not perfect but normal. All the stupid mistakes, failures, blames and forgiveness. The life full of passion, anxiousness and happy pains.